That one hurt, Lord. It came from nowhere and it felt like how I imagine a punch in my gut would feel.
What in the world was she talking about? Where in the world did she invent that story and the details that kept perpetuating it in her mind? Why in the world would she say that? How in the world had I offended her?… And when in the world are You going to take the pain away?
Questions are swirling, feelings are spiraling, emotions are spinning…and tears? They are streaming.
I want to forget about it, but my insecurity insists on reminding me.
Lord, please refresh my memory with the truths You have impressed upon my heart in the midst of past hurts. Remind me that Your opinion about me is the one that is most important. Remind me that Your Word is the final one, and it declares I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Remind me that You are for me and have wonderful plans for my life. Remind me that You are still working on me, and if I surrender to Your plan for my life, You will weave more and more of Your character into my decisions, my actions, and my words.
Lord, help me to remember that I, too, have said things about others that I am not proud of. Things that I should have kept to myself or not even thought in the first place. Things that I would take back, if only that were an option.
Help me to forgive. I must. To call myself Yours while refusing to forgive is hypocritical. Every single one of us is in need of Your mercy and grace. In order to move forward, I need to release this issue and this bitterness.
And Lord, I want to go one step further. I ask that You help her feel loved by You. I might not feel like that a few minutes from now, so I will throw that request out there before I change my mind.
And, by the way…help me to not change my mind. She is in need of Your love too. I pray she feels love directly from You and from others…including me. If I’m only a vessel of Your love when it is convenient or returned, then I’m not a vessel of Your true love.
That one hurt, Lord. It seemingly came from nowhere, but I have the freedom to decide how it affects me. I can decide if I forgive. I can decide if I wallow in self-pity and defeat or if I walk in God-confidence and victory.
I choose Your way, Lord. I desperately need Your help every single step of the way, but Lord, I choose Your way.